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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25276693">don't be scared (i love you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/killsometime/pseuds/killsometime'>killsometime</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amnesia, Angst, Concussions, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pining</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:47:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>9,931</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25276693</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/killsometime/pseuds/killsometime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s when Donghyuck is opening the door and helping him get out of the car in the parkade of the apartment building that Renjun realizes. There’s no other explanation -- Donghyuck must be his boyfriend. How upset he was that Renjun couldn’t remember him when he woke up, the way he takes care of Renjun without question, how he acts with so much attention and devotion to Renjun. </p><p>Donghyuck never had to tell Renjun anything, he just made it explicitly clear with his actions.  </p><p>It would be dizzying even if Renjun didn’t have a concussion.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>40</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>114</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Title from the song of the same name by Bill Ryder-Jones.</p><p>My twitter is @cutietaeilie and so is my CC if you want to say hi!</p><p>Some ambiance songs for this fic:</p><p>Saltwater -- Beach House<br/>Don’t Be Scared (I Love You) -- Bill Ryder-Jones<br/>New Born -- Hyukoh<br/>Reaons -- El Michels Affair<br/>Goodbye Blue -- BADBADNOTGOOD</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Renjun blinks his eyes open. His head hurts, and the white overhead light is too bright. An IV line sits in the crook of his right elbow, and he can hear quiet beeping coming from somewhere, along with the soft drip of the fluid bag.</p><p>He blinks again. The world doesn’t seem entirely real. He’s clearly in a hospital. But he has no idea how he got there or why he’s there. </p><p>He takes a quick scan of his body -- nothing appears to be broken and he can’t see any bandages or anything. His head is the only thing that hurts. </p><p>Then he notices that he isn’t alone. Someone is beside him in a chair, looking down at their phone. Someone handsome, Renjun can’t help but notice. Someone he doesn’t recognize. Honey brown hair, glowing skin, sharp jawline. Renjun wishes he could recognize the handsome man. </p><p>As he’s looking at the man, the man notices that he’s looking at him and grins. His smile is blindingly bright.  </p><p>“Renjun!” The man says excitedly, his volume teetering on the boundary of too loud for Renjun’s head. “You’re awake!” The man stands up, shoves Renjun over and climbs into the tiny hospital bed beside him. </p><p>“Thank god you’re so small or else I wouldn’t fit.” The man says. Renjun blinks. The man wraps himself snugly around Renjun. He smells good, Renjun notes. And Renjun feels oddly comfortable with him, despite the fact that he’s a total stranger. “You scared everyone so badly. If you had died, I’d bring you back to life so I could kill you for putting us through that.” He’s relieved, Renjun can sense it. </p><p>“Who are you?” Renjun asks, his voice croaky. The man goes still and looks curiously at him. </p><p>“Jun?” He asks. “Good one.” Renjun notes the nickname -- they must know each other well for the man to use a nickname so carelessly. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Renjun says, his voice a little more confident now. “But I don’t remember you.” </p><p>“Maybe not the joke to go for while you’re literally in the hospital.” The man replies with an easy grin. “Come on, you can do better. Personally I’d go for asking who gave me an ass implant.” </p><p>“I’m… I wish I were joking.” Renjun says. </p><p>“Last chance to say that you’re joking.” The man says. Renjun shakes his head. The man’s expression slips. “Fuck. Oh fuck. Oh no.” </p><p>He runs a hand through his hair and then gets up off the bed and disappears into the hallway. Renjun closes his eyes, trying to shut out the light. </p><p>He supposes that isn’t a very good thing. He doesn’t remember how he got to the hospital or the man who was waiting for him to wake up. What else doesn’t he remember? How much time has passed that he doesn’t remember? </p><p>The man steps back into the room just a moment later, his shoulders steeled. </p><p>“The doctor will be here in a moment.” The man says. “But I’m… I’m Lee Donghyuck, Jun.” The name doesn’t even sound familiar to Renjun. </p><p>“Lee Donghyuck.” Renjun repeats. “How did I meet you?”</p><p>“Through Jeno. Shit. Do you remember Jeno?” Donghyuck asks, looking suddenly nervous. </p><p>“Yeah.” Renjun says. “How do you know him?”</p><p>“We work together.” Donghyuck says tightly. </p><p>“At the law firm?” Renjun asks. Donghyuck nods. “Okay. Maybe I’m not missing that much then.” </p><p>“Do you… Do you want me to leave? If you don’t remember me this must be awkward for you. And fuck… I climbed into bed with you. Um. Not my best moment.” </p><p>“It’s okay.” Renjun says. “I… It’s okay.” He doesn’t know how to explain it. His mind doesn’t know Donghyuck, but it’s like his body does. </p><p>There’s a knock at the door, and a woman in a lab coat peeks in. </p><p>“Huang Renjun?” She asks. Renjun nods. “I’m Dr. Kim. I see you’re awake now. I just wanted to ask you some questions.” </p><p>“Hello.” Renjun says. </p><p>“Do you remember how you got here?” The doctor asks. </p><p>“No.” Renjun replies. He closes his eyes for a moment, blocking out the light again.</p><p>“You tripped on a sidewalk and fell over. You hit your head on the ground. That’s what the ambulance report says.” </p><p>“I did?” Renjun asks. He definitely doesn’t remember that. He remembers getting up this morning and leaving his apartment but that’s where things get fuzzy. </p><p>“It’s normal to forget a traumatic event. It’s the brain’s way of protecting itself.” The doctor says. </p><p>“Oh.” Renjun says. He wants to close his eyes. The light seems searingly bright and just forming thoughts feels difficult.</p><p>“Do you know what day it is today?”</p><p>“October fourteenth.” Renjun answers. “Could you turn the lights down please?” Renjun asks suddenly. The doctor blinks. Donghyuck is on his feet immediately, going to switch the lights off, and drawing the sheer blinds closed. “Thank you.” </p><p>“Are you experiencing any headaches?” The doctor asks.</p><p>“Yes.” Renjun says. “The light hurts. My head hurts.” </p><p>The doctor asks him a few more questions </p><p>“It seems to me like you have the signs of a concussion.” The doctor says at the end, her face serious. “I want you to stay overnight, and if anything changes I want to send you for an imaging test tomorrow. No TV, minimal screen time, and try to get lots of rest. You can have Tylenol for pain if you need it.” </p><p>“A concussion?” Renjun asks, trying to process that revelation. “But I just tripped and fell on the sidewalk.” </p><p>“It doesn’t take much to knock your head and get a small concussion.” The doctor says with a gentle smile. “You’re awake and pretty present, which are very good indicators, but the headaches and memory loss are a little worrying.” </p><p>“Okay.” Renjun says. “What does that mean?” </p><p>“We don’t know just yet. We’ll have to see if your symptoms stabilize or change.” </p><p>“Looks like we’ll just wait and see then hmm?” Donghyuck asks, smiling at Renjun. He’s taken up his seat beside Renjun’s bed again, and he’s intertwined their hands. </p><p>“The night doctor will be in later to check on you.” The doctor says. “But if anything changes for the worse, make sure you tell the nurse right away alright?” </p><p>“Okay.” Renjun acknowledges. </p><p>The doctor checks a few more things before leaving. Renjun leans back against his pillow. </p><p>“I should call my mom.” Renjun says. “She needs to know I’m in the hospital.”</p><p>“I texted her.” Donghyuck replies. “She can’t come right now but she asked me to take care of you.” </p><p>“Oh.” Renjun says. “But she knows?”</p><p>“She does. She says to call her later if you’re up to it, or tomorrow if that works better.” Donghyuck says and squeezes Renjun’s hand. Renjun hadn’t even realized that they were still holding hands. </p><p>He can’t help but notice how well his hand fits in Donghyuck’s.</p><p>He wonders how close he and Donghyuck are for Donghyuck to be comfortable talking to his mom. He feels a pang of guilt that he can’t remember someone who must be important to him. </p><p>“Thank you.” Renjun says. “Fuck. And work. Oh fuck, I need to call my boss.” </p><p>“Jaemin let them know.” Donghyuck says smoothly. </p><p>“He knows too?” </p><p>“Mhmm.” Donghyuck says. “Jun. You have a concussion. You should get some rest and not even think about thinking about work.”</p><p>And it’s the strangest thing. Donghyuck is a stranger to Renjun, but yet Renjun believes him. He feels comfortable. Like he can be vulnerable and Donghyuck will take care of everything. </p><p>Maybe that’s some remnants of his memory lingering -- Donghyuck must be close to him. So Renjun should just let things go. </p><p>He pulls his hand from Donghyuck’s. He didn’t realize how comforting it was to have a hand to hold on to. </p><p>“Thank you.” He says. </p><p>“No problem.” Donghyuck replies. “You should get some rest.” </p><p>“I am resting. I’m in bed.”</p><p>“Sleep.” </p><p>“I’m fine.” Renjun grumbles, but as he says it exhaustion hits him heavily. Maybe some sleep wouldn’t be a terrible idea. </p><p>He doesn’t remember falling asleep. </p><p>When he wakes up, Donghyuck isn’t there. He doesn’t understand why he feels strangely disappointed. He’d thought that maybe Donghyuck would stay. </p><p>His head feels the same, and his body feels stiff from lying down for so long. His stomach growls, and he realizes that he doesn’t even know when the last time he ate was. </p><p>He shifts to sit up in bed, seeing his phone sitting on the small table beside him. </p><p>“Hey.” He hears, and looks to see Donghyuck coming through the door with a shy smile. “How are you feeling?” </p><p>“A little better.” Renjun admits. “Rest was good.” </p><p>“I’m glad.” Donghyuck replies. “The night doctor came around but I told him that you were still the same and you were sleeping. I can get him if you need-”</p><p>“I’m good. Thank you.” Renjun says. “I feel… I don’t know. I guess this is just what a concussion feels like.” </p><p>There’s an awkward pause. Renjun realizes how tired Donghyuck looks: his clothes are creased and his stubble is peeking through. He’s still dazzlingly good looking.</p><p>“Visiting hours are almost over.” Donghyuck says then. </p><p>Renjun looks out the window -- it’s dark outside beyond the blinds.</p><p>“Oh. Sorry. You didn’t need to stay. You probably had things to do.” </p><p>“Not at all.” Donghyuck says. “And you slept through dinner but I snagged you a sandwich from the cafeteria. I thought you might be hungry.”</p><p>Sure enough, Renjun watches him pull a sandwich, an apple, and an iced green tea from his jacket pocket. </p><p>“How’d you know?” Renjun asks. </p><p>“I’m just kind of amazing.” Donghyuck says, fake-preening. Renjun laughs. “I can’t stay overnight obviously.” Donghyuck says. “But I’ll be back as soon as I can tomorrow okay?” </p><p>“You didn’t need to do that.” Renjun says. It seems ridiculous. He doesn’t even remember Donghyuck, but he means enough to Donghyuck that he’s already promising to come see Renjun again? It makes him feel strange.</p><p>“Of course I did.” Donghyuck says, and gives Renjun a warm smile. “I also texted Jeno and Jaemin, so they’ll probably swing by with the gremlins tomorrow morning if that’s okay.”</p><p>“That’s fine.” </p><p>“And my mom might come by too.” Donghyuck adds, blushing slightly. “I told her not to, but she said she wants to bring some food for you.” </p><p>“Oh. That’s nice of her.” Renjun says. He adds it to the growing pile of information in his brain about his forgotten relationship to Donghyuck. He knows Donghyuck’s mother. </p><p>Donghyuck takes Renjun’s hand and squeezes, like he knows .</p><p>“It’s okay Injun-ah. You’re going to be okay.” </p><p>“I hope so.” Renjun whispers. The truth is that he doesn’t know. His head still hurts, and he still can’t remember Donghyuck, and it’s overwhelming. He knows that most people get better from concussions but that knowledge doesn’t make him feel any better. </p><p>“Do you need anything before I go?” Donghyuck asks. “Your nurse is looking pretty threatening but I just pretend I don’t see her.” </p><p>“No. I think I’m okay.” Renjun replies, laughing again. He can’t tell if his head hurts less, or if he just feels better with Donghyuck around. </p><p>“Make sure you call for the nurse if you need anything. Anything at all.” </p><p>“Okay.” </p><p>“Promise?”</p><p>“I promise.”</p><p>“I’ll see you tomorrow Jun.” Donghyuck says with another smile, and then he’s gone. </p><p>Donghyuck seems to smile around him a lot, Renjun thinks. </p><p><br/>
//</p><p>He’s about to go to bed after eating his dinner when he sees his phone light up. Curious, he sees a bunch of notifications -- most of them from the groupchat -- but the most recent one is from Donghyuck. </p><p>annoying donghyuck<br/>
Sleep well jun<br/>
Text me if you get lonely or anything</p><p>And then there’s a flurry of emojis, most of which don’t make any sense with his texts. </p><p>Renjun smiles at the sight, even if he has to put his phone down right afterwards because the screen hurts his eyes. </p><p>It’s clear how much Donghyuck cares for him -- even if Renjun doesn’t remember anything of them before it. But to show up at the hospital and stay all day with someone: that’s a certain kind of friendship he thinks. </p><p>//</p><p>Renjun wakes up the next morning to the phlebotomist coming in to draw blood. It’s raining, which means that it’s darker out and it’s easier on his head. The sound of raindrops against the window is calming. </p><p>The nurse comes around to take his vitals, and asks how he’s feeling. He doesn’t feel worse than the day before, but he doesn’t feel any better either.</p><p>He dozes off without meaning to, his arm and head tender.</p><p>And he wakes up the second time to find a whole group of people in his room.</p><p>Jeno and Jaemin are arranging a bouquet of flowers, Chenle and Jisung are looking at something on Jisung’s phone, and Donghyuck is leaning against the wall, frowning at nothing. </p><p>Frankly, Renjun thinks that it’s a miracle for him to be asleep with so many noisy people in the room. He huffs out a small laugh without really realizing. </p><p>“Hyung!” Chenle says, and everyone’s eyes swivel to look at him. </p><p>“You’re awake!” Jaemin yells, and drops the flowers on the table. </p><p>“Shh. His head!” Donghyuck hisses and Jaemin recoils. </p><p>“Sorry.” Jaemin whisper-yells. </p><p>“It’s all good.” Renjun says. </p><p>“How are you feeling?” Jeno asks, coming up to stand beside Renjun. </p><p>“Okay.” Renjun says. His head feels about the same as it did the day before.</p><p>“Does your head hurt any worse than yesterday?” Donghyuck asks. </p><p>“No.” Renjun says. </p><p>“That’s good hyung.” Jisung says. He looks like he’s on the edge of tears.  </p><p>“I’m going to be okay Jisung-ah.” Renjun says. Jisung launches himself towards Renjun and clasps Renjun’s arm to his chest.</p><p>“Says the guy in the hospital with a concussion.” Jisung says with a sniffle. Chenle pats Jisung’s back helpfully. </p><p>“Yeah, you really don’t look so good.” Jaemin says. </p><p>“Thank you Jaemin. Say that to the guy in the person with a concussion.” Donghyuck says, looking unimpressed. Renjun can’t help but laugh. </p><p>“He can’t be feeling that bad if he’s laughing.” Chenle says, and reaches out to grab Renjun’s other hand. </p><p>“We brought you food!” Jaemin says, and puts a lunchbox on the table. “Healthy food.”</p><p>“I’ll smuggle you junk food if you need.” Jisung whispers. </p><p>“No he does not need junk food.” Jaemin says. “He needs healthy foods for healing.” </p><p>“I couldn’t stop him.” Jeno explains, as Jaemin starts to unpack food container after food container. </p><p>“I’m not even that hungry-” Renjun starts to say, but he’s cut off with a violent gesture from Jaemin. “I mean. This looks delicious.” </p><p>“You should eat.” Chenle says. “Hyung got up early and complained to all of us how much work it was to cook everything.” </p><p>“I did not.” Jaemin protests. Behind him, Jeno and Donghyuck are nodding to each other. </p><p>“His mom made half of the side dishes.” Jisung says, which warrants another violent action from Jaemin.</p><p>Jaemin looks like he’s getting ready to actually feed Renjun himself, which is the scariest prospect of all, so Renjun steps in and starts eating.</p><p>“This is delicious. Thank you.” He says, and Jaemin beams. “How did you all get off work?” </p><p>“It’s Saturday today.” Jeno replies, looking a little tense. </p><p>“He knows what day it is.” Donghyuck says with an eye roll. </p><p>“I missed the opportunity to prank you all and pretend that I thought I was ten.” Renjun says dramatically. </p><p>“That’s too cruel.” Jisung says. “You couldn’t do that to us.”</p><p>“That’d be amazing.” Donghyuck says, looking at Renjun with admiration. </p><p>“I can’t believe we had to hear from Donghyuck that you have a concussion.” Chenle says. </p><p>“I can’t look at my phone.” Renjun says. “It hurts my head.”</p><p>“Still.” Chenle says with a huff. </p><p>“It’s okay hyung.” Jisung says. “He’s only saying that because he was scared.” </p><p>Renjun gives them all a smile, and ends up lingering on Donghyuck. It’s clear that Donghyuck is part of the group, and it makes Renjun feel worse that he doesn’t remember him. </p><p>//</p><p>Everyone ends up leaving mid-morning, so Renjun can have some quiet. </p><p>He’s surprised though, to see Donghyuck stick around. </p><p>“So. You remember the F4 but you don’t… remember me?” Donghyuck asks. He seems offended. Another pang of guilt hits Renjun. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Renjun says and chews on his bottom lip.</p><p>“Oh no! Don’t be- fuck, I’m so bad at this.” Donghyuck says, looking horrified, and Renjun realizes he was faking being offended. “I can’t even tease you like I always do because you don’t know that’s what we do.”</p><p>“Now I know.” Renjun says and offers a weak smile. Donghyuck doesn’t return it, he just tosses his hands up in the air. </p><p>“I hate this. I hate me.” Donghyuck says dramatically. </p><p>“No. It’s fine.” Renjun says. “I like that you aren’t treating me like I’m going to die.” </p><p>There’s a brief pause before Donghyuck grins. </p><p>“Because I know that if I do, that when you get your memory back that you’ll kick my ass.” </p><p>It’s Donghyuck’s surety that does Renjun in. </p><p>He just looks at Donghyuck’s face, and something more than attraction bubbles up. Donghyuck isn’t just handsome -- he’s caring, and supportive, and knows all the right ways to say things to make Renjun feel better. </p><p>“Wasn’t your mom going to come?” He asks, trying to stop his train of thought.</p><p>“I told her that everyone was coming to see you and she decided she didn’t want to overwhelm you. But I’m under strict instructions to buy you certain foods. Mom orders. You know how it is.” Donghyuck says. </p><p>“Yes sir.” Renjun replies with a laugh.</p><p>“Renjun?” He hears, and sees the same doctor from the day before peeking her head in his room. </p><p>“Hello.” He says with a smile. She smiles back. </p><p>“You seem a little perkier than yesterday. Do you mind if I ask you some questions?” </p><p>She mostly asks the same questions as she did before. </p><p>“Your symptoms haven’t worsened overnight, which is a very very good thing.” She says. “I’m not going to send you for a CT scan because your signs aren’t changing, and you’re pretty coherent. I’d say that you can be discharged to get better at home -- that’s much better than staying in the hospital.” </p><p>“Thank you. That’s good.” Renjun replies. </p><p>“But you still have a concussion, which is a serious condition. Do you live alone?” The doctor asks. </p><p>“He does.” Donghyuck answers. </p><p>“Do you have someone you can stay with?” The doctor asks Renjun. “While it doesn’t seem like your symptoms are worsening, concussions can be sneaky and we recommend having someone stay with you.”</p><p>“He’ll stay with me. I’ll watch him.” Donghyuck replies quickly, before Renjun can say anything. Like it isn’t even a question. It makes a warm feeling bloom in his chest.</p><p>“Great. You can leave once the nurse comes by to take out your IV. I’ve put your information in and you should get some follow-up calls in the next few days to check in with your symptoms. If anything gets worse -- pain, or you lose more memories, make sure you come right back to the hospital okay?” </p><p><br/>
//</p><p>Once Renjun has been discharged and given a prescription for anti-nausea medicine and extra strong Tylenol,  Donghyuck takes them to his apartment.</p><p>“My apartment building is quieter than yours.” Donghyuck explains. Renjun nods, because he doesn’t know otherwise. He has no memory of Donghyuck’s apartment. </p><p>The drive is quiet. Renjun takes the opportunity to watch Donghyuck out of the corner of his eye -- the way his hands are sure on the steering wheel, his handsome side profile, how he keeps looking over at Renjun to make sure he’s alright. It’s overwhelming, Renjun thinks. </p><p>It’s when Donghyuck is opening the door and helping him get out of the car in the parkade of the apartment building that Renjun realizes. There’s no other explanation -- Donghyuck must be his boyfriend. How upset he was that Renjun couldn’t remember him, the way he took care of Renjun without question, how he acts with so much attention and devotion to Renjun. </p><p>Donghyuck never had to tell Renjun anything, he just made it explicitly clear with his actions.  </p><p>It would be dizzying even if Renjun didn’t have a concussion. </p><p>Renjun feels a little nauseous in the elevator up to Donghyuck’s floor, but Donghyuck keeps an arm slung over Renjun’s waist, keeping him grounded the whole time. </p><p>“This is us.” Donghyuck says, sweeping an arm over his apartment. “What’s mine is yours, and all that.”</p><p>The apartment is small but welcoming. It seems a lot like Donghyuck himself, Renjun thinks, all cozy neutral tones and soft textures. </p><p>He watches Donghyuck putter around: drawing blinds closed, pulling out blankets and pillows for the sofa, and fussing around in the kitchen. </p><p>“Here. Drink this. You’re probably dehydrated.” Donghyuck says and pushes a glass of water into Renjun’s hand. </p><p>“I had water before we left the hospital. And in the car.” Renjun reminds him. Donghyuck just scoffs.  </p><p>“Is your head okay?”</p><p>“Yeah.” </p><p>“Let me know if it hurts. As soon as it hurts.” Donghyuck says. Renjun nods. </p><p>“You don’t need to baby me.” </p><p>“Yes. I really do.” Donghyuck says, looking Renjun right in the eye. Renjun can’t stop the blush that comes over his face.</p><p>//</p><p>Donghyuck makes them dinner -- something simple with lots of vegetables, and they still have the leftovers from Jaemin’s feast. </p><p>“Thank you.” Renjun says, as he watches Donghyuck clean up. “I feel like a lump.” </p><p>“You’re supposed to be a lump right now.” Donghyuck says, and flicks soapy water at Renjun.</p><p>“I hate you.” Renjun hisses. </p><p>“That sounds like the old Renjun.” Donghyuck replies with an easy smile. Renjun doesn’t know what he means. “Do you want to have a shower tonight?” Donghyuck asks. </p><p>“I think I’m too tired.” Renjun answers. </p><p>“Okay. I’ll find you some pyjamas and a toothbrush so you can get ready for bed.” </p><p>“It’s seven o’clock.” </p><p>“And?” Donghyuck asks. </p><p>//</p><p>By the time Renjun has changed into the baggy pyjamas and gotten ready for bed, Donghyuck has fixed up the pull-out mattress and made the bed for him.</p><p>“I’ll give you some space.” Donghyuck says. </p><p>Renjun realizes that he doesn’t want space. He wants to be around Donghyuck.</p><p>He wonders if Donghyuck is going to give him a goodnight kiss. </p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t, he just retreats into his bedroom quietly. Renjun tries not to feel too disappointed. Donghyuck is probably trying to be responsible. </p><p>So Renjun settles on the pull-out sofa and lies there in the cool darkness of Donghyuck’s apartment, wishing more than anything that he could remember Donghyuck. </p><p>Except he tosses and turns. He can’t get comfortable. It isn’t the bed, and his head doesn’t hurt -- it’s something else. </p><p>He sits up and looks at Donghyuck’s bedroom door -- the light is still on under the door. </p><p>Impulsively, Renjun gets up and walks over to Donghyuck’s room. As he gets closer, he can hear Donghyuck’s voice, and another voice that he doesn’t recognize. It sounds tinny, so Donghyuck must be talking on the phone to someone. Renjun leans in to listen, without really meaning to eavesdrop. </p><p>“Does he know?” The voice asks. It sounds like a woman. </p><p>“I’ll tell him.” Donghyuck says. </p><p>“Secrets aren’t good Hyuck, even if you mean well.” The woman says. It must be Donghyuck’s mother, Renjun thinks.</p><p>“It isn’t a secret. He’s fine with it. We’ve been together for long enough that he trusts me.” Renjun flushes. So Donghyuck’s mother knows about their relationship. He wonders what non-secret they’re talking about. </p><p>“But what you were telling me last week-”</p><p>“We’re fine.” Donghyuck says, interrupting her. “We’re fine. I love him. He loves me.” Renjun flushes even deeper. </p><p>There’s a pause. </p><p>“It’s late. I’ll talk to you soon hmm?” Donghyuck’s mother says. </p><p>“Yeah. Goodnight mom.” Donghyuck says. </p><p>“Goodnight.” </p><p>There’s the distinct sound of a call ending. Renjun hovers outside the door, wondering if he should just go back to the sofa. </p><p>Except… Donghyuck loves him. Renjun quietly knocks on the door. </p><p>“Come in.” Donghyuck says, so Renjun pushes the door open.</p><p>Donghyuck is sitting in bed typing on his laptop, his phone sitting on the covers beside him. </p><p>“Hey. What’s up?” Donghyuck says. He’s wearing eyeglasses, which Renjun hasn’t seen before. </p><p>“I don’t want to sleep alone tonight.” Renjun explains.</p><p>Donghyuck is quiet for a moment. </p><p>“Come here.” Donghyuck says finally. </p><p>Renjun doesn’t overthink it, he just climbs into bed.  </p><p>“I’m not in pain or anything.” Renjun says. “I’m just…” </p><p>“It’s okay.” Donghyuck says. “You just got out of the hospital.” He closes his laptop, and turns off the dim bedside lamp. </p><p>They lie together in silence.</p><p>“Jun?” Donghyuck says. </p><p>“Hmm?”</p><p>“I’m glad you’re okay. You really scared me.” Donghyuck whispers, which is the closest that he’s come to appearing anything less than strong in front of Renjun.  </p><p>“Sorry.”</p><p>“Don’t be sorry.” Donghyuck says. “Just don’t do it again.” </p><p>Renjun snorts a soft laugh. </p><p>“I’ll try my best.” He says. </p><p>Donghyuck’s finger brushes Renjun’s, and it takes Renjun a moment to realize that Donghyuck is making Renjun pinky-swear. </p><p>He offers his pinky finger and Donghyuck links his own and squeezes them together. </p><p>“You had better.” Donghyuck whispers. </p><p>Renjun falls asleep easily.</p><p>//</p><p>He wakes up in the night and he has to pee. The only sounds are the faint hum of the fridge and Donghyuck softly snoring beside him.</p><p>Careful not to wake Donghyuck, he sits up and swings his legs over the edge of the bed.</p><p>He’s only made it five steps from the bed when the dizziness hits. </p><p>The bed is too far away to lean against, so Renjun rests his hands on his knees and tries to take some deep breaths. He feels like he’s about to pass out.</p><p>“Jun? What are you doing?” Donghyuck asks sleepily. </p><p>“I need to go to the bathroom.” Renjun says with a wince. “But I’m dizzy.”</p><p>Suddenly there’s a warm hand on his back, and a hand on his arm holding him steady. </p><p>“Let me help you.” Donghyuck murmurs. </p><p>Renjun flushes. He can’t even manage to walk to the washroom without help. It’s embarrassing. </p><p>But Donghyuck doesn’t seem bothered. </p><p>Together, they shuffle towards the bathroom attached to Renjun’s room. </p><p>“Can you take care of it yourself?” Donghyuck asks. </p><p>“Yes I can pee by myself.” Renjun says, and he means for it to come out sharper than it really does. </p><p>“It’s not… There’s nothing wrong with needing help.” Donghyuck says.</p><p>“I know that.” </p><p>“Okay. I’ll wait for you here.” Donghyuck says. “Keep the door open a bit.”</p><p>Renjun feels weird knowing Donghyuck is waiting for any sign that he’s passed out or something.</p><p>He manages to go to the bathroom and make it back to the bed without feeling dizzy, but he lets Donghyuck help him into bed, pull the sheets up, and practically tuck him in.</p><p>“Thank you.” He says quietly. </p><p>Donghyuck has already fallen back asleep.</p><p><br/>
//</p><p>Renjun wakes up next to Donghyuck on his third day of not remembering him. </p><p>Donghyuck is beautiful in the dim morning light. Renjun notices the moles on his face for the first time. He wonders if he’s ever kissed them. He wants to trace them with his finger. </p><p>Instead, he curls up into Donghyuck and falls asleep again, because he can. </p><p>//</p><p>“Good morning.” Donghyuck says when Renjun stumbles out of bed a few hours later. His head hurts a little less today, which he takes to be a blessing.</p><p>“Good morning.” Renjun says back, his throat feeling oddly tight. </p><p>Donghyuck fetches him a towel, clean underwear, sweatpants and a hoodie. </p><p>“For whenever you feel up to showering.” </p><p>“Is this your way of telling me I stink?” Renjun asks. Donghyuck laughs. </p><p>“No. Just offering to be a good host. Are you okay to have a shower by yourself?” Renjun wants to protest, but he stops himself. Donghyuck is just trying to be supportive and it isn’t like he wants to fall and crack his head open either. Renjun’s mind flashes to Donghyuck with him in the shower naked.</p><p>“Yeah. I think so. I’ll leave the door open though okay?” He says, forcing himself to stop picturing a wet Donghyuck washing his hair. </p><p>“Okay.” Donghyuck confirms. </p><p>//</p><p>Renjun washes himself slowly. Even if he isn’t dizzy, he doesn’t feel entirely real. What grounds him is the realization that the bodywash and shampoo in the shower are what Donghyuck smells like. Even after everything Donghyuck has done for him, the action of washing himself with Donghyuck’s soap seems strangely intimate. </p><p>He wants to blush as he puts on the borrowed underwear and clothes, but he reminds himself that Donghyuck has presumably seen him naked. He wonders what their sex life is like. Donghyuck is handsome, and by the way he acts, it hardly seems that mutual attraction is an issue. </p><p>He really does feel better -- his head still hurts but his thoughts don’t seem as fuzzy. </p><p>“Feel better now that you’re clean?” Donghyuck asks when Renjun emerges. He’s putting dishes of food on the table. The domesticity of it makes Renjun’s heart clench. </p><p>“Yeah.” Renjun says with a smile. “Thanks.”</p><p>“You should eat something too.” Donghyuck says. Renjun feels a flush of happiness at Donghyuck’s care. “I made breakfast.” </p><p>“You don’t need to cook every meal for me.” </p><p>“Okay. Confession. I ordered take-out breakfast.” Donghyuck says, and Renjun laughs. </p><p>“Better.” He says. “Please don’t spoil me. I’ll get used to it.” </p><p>//</p><p>Renjun makes it to the afternoon before Donghyuck catches him dozing on the sofa. </p><p>“You can nap on my bed.” Donghyuck says. “It’ll be darker in there if you shut the blinds than out here.”</p><p>“Thanks.” Renjun replies with a yawn. He hasn’t done anything except eat and sit, but he feels exhausted.  </p><p>So he curls up in the sheets that smell like Donghyuck, in Donghyuck’s clothes, smelling like Donghyuck’s shampoo with a sigh of contentment. He could’ve done much, much worse for a boyfriend he thinks. </p><p>//</p><p>He’s bored while Donghyuck prepares dinner for the two of them, so he picks up his phone and scrolls through his texts. He clears all the notifications from the groupchat -- mostly memes as far as he can tell. </p><p>Donghyuck is the person who’d texted him most recently, so Renjun clicks on their conversation, scrolling past the texts from when he was in the hospital. </p><p>annoying donghyuck<br/>
I'm on my way right now!<br/>
I'll be there asap<br/>
Be strong jun<br/>
everything is going to be alright<br/>
you’re not alone im almost there</p><p>He wonders what inside joke led him to list Donghyuck as “annoying donghyuck” in his contacts. There’s nothing annoying about Donghyuck as far as he can tell. Donghyuck’s messages show nothing but care. </p><p>He exits out of the messages and clicks on his photos. </p><p>There aren’t very many photos of him and Donghyuck, and most of them are group photos but Renjun looks anyway.</p><p>In one, he’s sitting on Donghyuck’s lap, Donghyuck’s arms wrapped tightly around his waist. </p><p>In another, he’s leaning on Donghyuck, eyes closed and grinning. Donghyuck is leaning in to kiss his cheek. </p><p>In another, they’re just looking at each other but they look so fond that Renjun almost feels embarrassed to look at himself. </p><p>It’s cute. Renjun never thought he’d be one for open affection, but Donghyuck makes it so easy. </p><p>If he thinks about it, Donghyuck is so tactile, constantly invading Renjun’s space, making it so that Renjun can’t not touch him.</p><p>He has to turn his phone off because the screen is making his eyes hurt, but he feels good knowing that he has a bit more of an understanding of his relationship with Donghyuck. </p><p>He hates that he can’t remember Donghyuck before the last few days. They must love each other a lot, and he can’t remember. </p><p>It makes him feel guilty. He can’t help it, but how could he not? Donghyuck has been the picture of a perfect boyfriend and Renjun didn’t even remember that they were boyfriends. </p><p>His feet are taking him to Donghyuck in the kitchen before he can even realize. </p><p>“Hey.” Donghyuck says, and Renjun wraps him into a hug. “What’s this for?” Donghyuck asks with a laugh. </p><p>“Thank you for taking care of me.” Renjun says into Donghyuck’s chest. He loves how Donghyuck smells. </p><p>“Of course.” Donghyuck says, and squeezes Renjun warmly.</p><p>“I’m sorry I can’t remember you.” He says. Donghyuck stiffens. </p><p>“You will.” Donghyuck says. “I know it.” </p><p>He doesn’t relax until Renjun pulls away. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'm so sorry this took me so long to update! I got busy with school and work but I'm back and I'm going to get working on this fic! 🙏</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Renjun’s phone rings in the late afternoon. The sun is orange-pink in the sky. He picks up, careful to turn the volume down. </p><p>“Hello? Is this Huang Renjun?” </p><p>“Yes,” Renjun answers.</p><p>“I’m a nurse from the hospital, I’m just calling to check up on your concussion symptoms.” </p><p>“Oh, hello,” he says. </p><p>They ask him some questions about how he’s feeling, if anything has gotten markedly worse or if he feels any better, if he’s thrown up. </p><p>“Do you have someone taking care of you?” the nurse asks finally. </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“Are they free to answer a few of my questions?”</p><p>“Let me check, hang on,” Renjun says to her. “Donghyuck!” He whisper-yells and Donghyuck appears immediately. “The nurse wants to talk to you.” </p><p>Donghyuck takes the phone from him without question.</p><p>“Hello? Yes. He’s staying with me.” </p><p>There’s a pause.</p><p>“No. No indication of more memory loss,” A pause. “He needed some help getting to the bathroom last night because he was dizzy,” Another pause. “No, nothing since then.”</p><p>Renjun admires Donghyuck as he answers the rest of the nurse’s questions. He doesn't know how he got such a handsome boyfriend. </p><p>He doesn’t even realize that Donghyuck has hung up until he’s tugging Renjun towards the couch and arranging a blanket over him.</p><p>“It looks like your concussion isn’t getting any worse which is good. So you’ve just got to sit it out until you get better.”</p><p>“When will that be?” Renjun asks. It’s been days since he woke up in the hospital and he doesn’t feel markedly better, he just thinks that he’s adjusting to the headaches. </p><p>“It’ll be when it is,” Donghyuck says. Renjun sighs. </p><p>“I know.”</p><p>“You’re doing a good job.” </p><p>“Is it possible to do a bad job having a concussion?”</p><p>“Probably,” Donghyuck answers with a smile. “But you don’t seem to be doing it.”</p><p>Renjun resists the urge to roll his eyes at Donghyuck.</p><p>“You’re too positive,” he says. It’s something he admires about Donghyuck, the way he seems so endlessly convinced that everything is going to be okay,  </p><p>“Or maybe you’re too negative,” Donghyuck replies warmly. Renjun really does roll his eyes at Donghyuck’s words this time and Donghyuck grins. “Don’t get sassy with me. It’s bad for your head.”</p><p>“The doctor definitely didn’t say that,” Renjun says. </p><p>“Didn’t he?”   </p><p>//</p><p>"I have to go to the grocery store today. Is there anything you want me to get while I’m there?" Donghyuck asks the next morning.</p><p>"Not really." Renjun says. His brain can't attempt to think of what he wants to eat. It’s not like he’s particularly hungry these days anyways, even if he knows that he has to eat. </p><p>“I’d take you with me but the nurse reminded me that you aren’t supposed to be exposed to much stimulation for now.”</p><p>“I’ll just nap at home. Don’t worry about me.”</p><p>“Okay,” Donghyuck says and ruffles Renjun’s hair gently. “Well. I’ll worry about you but it’s good that you’re napping.”</p><p>“Alright mom,” Renjun teases back. “Or dad, really.”</p><p>“Are you going to call me daddy next?” Donghyuck asks with a flirtatious look on his face, and for the first time since Renjun woke up in the hospital there’s a flare of sexual tension between the two of them. Donghyuck wants him, and Renjun wants Donghyuck right back. Of course Renjun knew that they were together, but knowing and feeling are two separate things. </p><p>“Only if you ask nicely,” Renjun retorts and leaves before he can embarrass himself. </p><p>//</p><p>Just as he said, Renjun naps in a sunbeam once Donghyuck leaves for the store. </p><p>When he wakes up from his nap Renjun sees that Donghyuck picked up some of Renjun’s favourite foods, without Renjun even asking. There’s different fruits, green onion rice crackers, iced green tea, fresh mackerel, and dried sweet potato.</p><p>Of course Donghyuck did, he’s just the type of person to do that, Renjun thinks. </p><p>He fixes himself a bowl of grapes and then gets one for Donghyuck to eat while he works. </p><p>Donghyuck is on a call for work in the bedroom so Renjun creeps in and quietly leaves the bowl on the desk. Donghyuck gives him a grateful smile. Renjun feels warm in his chest. He can’t do much for Donghyuck right now, but at least he can do this. Once he gets better he’ll be able to take care of Donghyuck back and he’s looking forward to it. </p><p>Donghyuck hasn’t hesitated to take care of him and Renjun can’t wait to return the favour. </p><p>//</p><p>The next day is not a good day for Renjun. It starts off badly when he wakes up and his head is foggy. He feels nauseous as he picks at his breakfast. </p><p>He can’t focus on any of his thoughts and his eyes feel too large for their sockets. His head throbs. </p><p>“Renjun? Is everything okay?” Donghyuck asks.</p><p>"My head really hurts today," Renjun says, feeling tears well up.</p><p>"Oh Junnie," Donghyuck replies, sympathy on his face. “Let’s go back to bed.” </p><p>He helps Renjun into the bedroom and draws the blinds closed.</p><p>They climb into bed. Renjun’s head hurts. </p><p>"It's going to be okay." Donghyuck says, smoothing a hand over Renjun’s hair. His fingers are cool to the touch on Renjun’s forehead. “I’ll go get you an aceteminophen.”</p><p>Renjun slips easily into sleep before Donghyuck even comes back with a painkiller.</p><p>//</p><p>He wakes up sometime that evening. Donghyuck isn’t beside him. He lies still for a moment trying to gauge his pain levels. His head doesn’t seem to hurt as much as it did. The sleep had helped. </p><p>Renjun sits up and looks at his phone. It’s nine in the evening and suddenly he feels incredibly hungry and thirsty. </p><p>He opens the door a hair to go into the kitchen, and realizes that Donghyuck is talking on the phone. </p><p>"Yes, he's fine. Of course I'm taking good care of him," Donghyuck is saying. </p><p>The person on the other end of the phone screeches.</p><p>"What do you mean why is he here? I was there when the doctor asked if he had someone to look after him, what else was I supposed to do? He has a concussion!” Donghyuck hisses, and it's the closest Renjun has heard to Donghyuck being genuinely angry. “Don’t say that. You know that’s not true. You know where my heart is.”</p><p>Renjun tiptoes back to bed before Donghyuck can catch him eavesdropping. </p><p>//</p><p>The days blur together. Renjun has to nap a lot of the time and slowly, slowly the pain and fogginess in his head starts to diminish. He’s hardly energetic, but as the days pass, he doesn't need to sleep as often. Donghyuck encourages him the entire time, celebrating the progress of healing. Renjun wonders if Donghyuck is more supportive of his healing than Renjun himself.</p><p>//</p><p>“I need to go into the office tomorrow to go pick something up,” Donghyuck tells him one day. </p><p>“Okay,”</p><p>“So you’ll be on your own for the day. Do you want me to call somebody to come over when I’m away?” </p><p>“I’ll be fine I think. I can always text somebody if I need something,” Renjun answers. </p><p>“Maybe I’ll get Jaemin to come over and-“</p><p>“I can take care of myself for a day,” Renjun says softly. “I swear.” </p><p>“I just feel bad,” Donghyuck replies sweetly. </p><p>“You’ve done such a good job taking care of me and I really appreciate it. It’s okay if I’m by myself for a day, I promise.”</p><p>Donghyuck chews on his bottom lip, clearly torn.</p><p>“Okay fine. I don’t want to hover over you.” Renjun sends him a pointed look. “Okay, fine. I don’t want to hover over you any more than I already am,” he amends. </p><p>Renjun smiles. Donghyuck huffs out a sigh. </p><p>//</p><p>Donghyuck is already dressed and ready to go when he wakes Renjun up the next day. If he thought that Donghyuck was handsome before, it doesn’t hold a candle to him all dressed up. </p><p>“You look really good,” he says, letting his gaze linger on Donghyuck’s shoulders and thighs. </p><p>“I clean up well when I need to,” Donghyuck replies smugly. </p><p>“You definitely do,” Renjun says and smiles at him. </p><p>“I’ll pick up dinner on my way home, okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Don’t do anything while I’m gone.”</p><p>“I won’t.”</p><p>“I’m serious. If I even suspect that you’re doing anything I’m going to come right home.”</p><p>“Go to work Donghyuck,” Renjun says. “It’s fine.” </p><p>Donghyuck leaves almost sheepishly. </p><p>//</p><p>"Do you think you could go for a walk today? You must be feeling cooped up," Donghyuck asks him one day, a week and a bit into Renjun staying over at his apartment.  </p><p>“A little,” Renjun admits. “Sure. Fresh air would be good.”</p><p>Donghyuck insists on bundling Renjun up in all sorts of layers and winter clothes.</p><p>"I have a concussion, I can handle cold," Renjun says as Donghyuck fiddles with a scarf on him. </p><p>"Okay," Donghyuck says, looping the scarf so it covers the lower half of Renjun's face. </p><p>Donghyuck makes Renjun wear a pair of his sunglasses too.</p><p>"You're cute like this," Donghyuck says, smiling at Renjun all bundled up. Renjun blushes. Of course his boyfriend can call him cute. </p><p>"You're cuter," He says, and is rewarded by Donghyuck looking surprised. Renjun must not compliment him very much. He makes a note to compliment him more. </p><p>They walk slowly around the park in front of Donghyuck’s apartment complex, Renjun's arm hooked around Donghyuck's elbow. The fresh air feels as good as he’d thought it would.</p><p>He isn't nauseous or dizzy, but he's unexpectedly tired by the end of the walk. The park can’t be any larger than a few blocks but Renjun’s legs feel heavier than usual. </p><p>He sits down as soon as they get back to Donghyuck’s apartment.</p><p>"Why am I so tired?" he grumbles. "It was just a short walk." </p><p>"You've been resting a lot. Your body is using all its energy to heal," Donghyuck explains, pulling a blanket around Donghyuck's shoulders. </p><p>“There’s nothing to heal.”</p><p>“There’s a lot to heal. You got a concussion,” Donghyucks says and smoothes Renjun’s hair softly. Renjun’s heart flutters. </p><p>//</p><p>They try going for a drive a few days later when Donghyuck doesn’t have any meetings. It ends up being too much stimulation -- the sounds of traffic and all the moving cars and people are too much for Renjun to handle. </p><p>He has to drive home with his eyes closed, trying to pretend that he isn’t nauseous.</p><p>Donghyuck's hand rests on his thigh for the whole drive back. The touch is grounding, reminding Renjun that he’s okay, that he’s taken care of.</p><p>//</p><p>Renjun tidies up the apartment one morning when Donghyuck is particularly busy with work and his head doesn't hurt too badly. </p><p>"You're a good roommate Junnie," Donghyuck says when he finds a sparkling kitchen and living room. </p><p>"I'll just move in then hmm?" Renjun asks, raising an eyebrow. Donghyuck gives him a small smile. Renjun wonders idly if they’d talked about moving in together.</p><p>"Maybe later," Donghyuck says, which isn't a definite no, Renjun notes. He'd be happy living with Donghyuck. It would be easy. It is easy. </p><p>//</p><p>Renjun hears Donghyuck fighting with somebody over the phone again that night. Donghyuck has never spoken to Renjun like that. He can't make out the words and he doesn't want to break Donghyuck's trust by eavesdropping. </p><p><br/>//</p><p>Renjun comes into the living room the next evening and turns the TV on. He’s going stir-crazy. He can't go outside often, or read, or look at his phone, or listen to music for a long time.</p><p>"You're not allowed to watch TV," Donghyuck tuts, coming into the kitchen to shut the TV off. </p><p>"I'm allowed to listen to it," Renjun retorts. "I'm bored. I'll keep my eyes closed and just listen."</p><p>"Quietly," Donghyuck says, narrowing his eyes. “Loud noises are bad for your head.” </p><p>“Everything is bad for my head,” Renjun says. Donghyuck sighs and Renjun knows that he’s won.  </p><p>"Tell me if your head hurts and I’ll turn it off."</p><p>“I will. Will you watch with me?”</p><p>Donghyuck nods and sits down on the sofa. Renjun impulsively lies down with his head resting in Donghyuck’s lap. </p><p>“Turn the TV on,” Renjun says. </p><p>“Getting comfortable?” Donghyuck asks as he reaches for the remote. Renjun whacks his head onto Donghyuck’s legs. </p><p>“Obviously. And now I can’t even see the screen so you’ll be happy.”</p><p>One of Donghyuck’s hands comes to rest atop Renjun’s head. </p><p>“Touch my hair,” Renjun mumbles. Donghyuck’s hand stiffens for a moment and then he starts gently stroking Renjun’s hair. </p><p>The sensation is calming and relaxing. It smoothes the lingering pain in Renjun’s head and his eyes fall shut. </p><p>Renjun lets himself lie with his eyes closed with his head on Donghyuck's lap, Donghyuck stroking his hair. </p><p>"This is nice," Renjun says. </p><p>"It is," Donghyuck agrees. "You've been so affectionate lately."</p><p>"Am I not usually?" Renjun asks, opening his eyes to look up at Donghyuck. Donghyuck is looking down at him softly, but when he meets Renjun's eye, he hastily looks back toward the TV. </p><p>"Not like this," Donghyuck says. </p><p>"Do you not like it?" Renjun asks. He hadn't even thought of that. </p><p>"It's fine," Donghyuck says, and he seems nervous. "I'll get used to it." His hand falters in Renjun’s hair.</p><p>"Keep petting my hair." </p><p>"You're like a cat," Donghyuck says with a smile. </p><p>"No. I'm worse than a cat," Renjun says and scrunches his nose. </p><p>Renjun listens idly to whateve programme Donghyuck is watching. He’s mostly paying attention to the feeling of Donghyuck’s hands on him. </p><p>The evening drips by. </p><p>"I'm tired," Renjun whinges eventually. </p><p>"Come on, that's enough TV. Let's get you to bed," Donghyuck says. </p><p>“I don’t want to walk there,” Renjun pouts. </p><p>Renjun isn't expecting Donghyuck to actually physically pick him up. Donghyuck is slightly taller than him, and broader, but Renjun didn't think that Donghyuck could just pick him up like he doesn't weigh anything. </p><p>"What are you doing?" Renjun mumbles. </p><p>"Taking you to bed," Donghyuck replies. Renjun's cheeks redden. He wonders at the other situations where Donghyuck says that to him. </p><p>He lets himself enjoy the experience of Donghyuck carrying him into the bedroom and lifting him into bed. But once he’s done that, he turns to leave and Renjun panics. </p><p>“Aren’t you coming too?” he asks. Donghyuck looks at him in the dim light with a strange expression on his face. </p><p>“Okay,” he answers softly, and climbs in carefully beside Renjun. </p><p>//</p><p>Renjun wakes up in Donghyuck's arms the next morning. </p><p>They stare at each other for a long moment. </p><p>"Morning Jun," Donghyuck says and smiles fondly at him. If there were butterflies in Renjun's stomach before, now there are birds. Enormous birds with wings that scrape at the lining of his stomach.</p><p>"Good morning," Renjun says. He feels loved, and he feels so much love for Donghyuck that it’s almost overwhelming.</p><p>Donghyuck makes them breakfast and Renjun takes a shower. </p><p>"That looks good on you," Donghyuck says when Renjun comes out of the bathroom in jeans and a hoodie that belongs to Donghyuck. </p><p>"It's yours," Renjun replies with an eyeroll. Donghyuck grabs him by the strings of the hoodie and pulls him closer. </p><p>"Exactly," Donghyuck says with a smile. </p><p>Something tilts inside Renjun all of a sudden. He thinks about how well Donghyuck has taken care of him and he doesn’t need to think of anything else. He leans in and kisses Donghyuck softly.</p><p>Donghyuck stays very still. </p><p>Renjun stands up on his tiptoes and cups the back of Donghyuck's neck. He didn't think that he'd be appreciative of their size difference but he is. </p><p>A long beat passes, and then Donghyuck slowly and gently pushes Renjun away. </p><p>“That isn’t a good idea,” Donghyuck says.</p><p>"My head doesn't hurt, I promise," Renjun says quickly. He wants to kiss Donghyuck again.  </p><p>"It isn't that," Donghyuck says and squeezes Renjun's arm. "I have a boyfriend who I love very much.” Donghyuck says in a strained voice. Renjun's heart drops into his stomach. </p><p>"What?" He repeats. “I’m your boyfriend.”</p><p>"You’re not my boyfriend Jun," Donghyuck says. He looks uncomfortable.</p><p>"Oh," Renjun says, his ears ringing. The world feels like it's fallen on top of him. "Oh no. Oh my god. Oh my god." </p><p>"I should’ve told you," Donghyuck says. "I'm sorry." </p><p>Renjun feels like he's about to throw up. He doesn’t feel real. </p><p>“A boyfriend,” He repeats. “Not me.”</p><p>“Not you,” Donghyuck says, staring at the floor.</p><p>"But I. You. Fuck. And I’ve been acting like… Oh my god," Renjun says dumbly. "I should go. I've already made you uncomfortable enough." </p><p>Donghyuck doesn’t even look up.</p><p>Renjun hardly has anything to bring with him, but he gathers his things up anyways. </p><p>Donghyuck doesn't protest. After everything he's done for Renjun, he doesn't protest. Doesn't insist that Renjun stay. Doesn't say anything at all. </p><p>He just stands in the living room, watching Renjun leave. </p><p>Renjun's chest feels tight, his breathing laboured. He's gone and fucked everything up.</p><p>He's in the elevator when he realizes that he still needs someone to keep an eye on his concussion. Someone that isn't Donghyuck.</p><p>Renjun feels panicked just thinking about him. About the kiss. About how stupid he was to assume that someone as perfect as Donghyuck wouldn't be in a relationship.</p><p>He pulls his phone out of his pocket with shaky fingers.</p><p>Renjun<br/>Can you come over to my apartment<br/>I'm supposed to have someone watch my concussion symptoms</p><p>Jeno<br/>???<br/>thought donghyuck was staying with you during the day?</p><p>Renjun<br/>no? i was staying at donghyuck's apartment<br/>i also thought i was dating him but i found out that wasn't true<br/>So... I'm staying by myself now.</p><p>The next messages from Jeno come in rapid succession. It hurts Renjun’s head to keep reading.</p><p>Jeno<br/>renjun?<br/>What are you talking about???<br/>You thought you were dating who???<br/>Hold on<br/>Im coming to pick you up<br/>Are you still at hyucks?</p><p>Renjun<br/>I'm leaving now</p><p>Jeno<br/>dont move, ill be there in ten minutes</p><p>Renjun<br/>I’ll meet you in the driveway</p><p>Renjun has been standing there for seven minutes when Jeno pulls up with practically squealing tires. Jisung in the car too, looking wide eyed.</p><p>Jisung gets out and immediately takes everything that Renjun is holding.</p><p>Jeno hugs Renjun carefully. Renjun doesn’t even realize that he’s crying until Jisung pulls out a Kleenex from somewhere and dabs lightly at his face.</p><p>“I’m okay,” Renjun croaks. </p><p>“You look like you’ve just been dumped,” Jeno says. </p><p>“I kind of have,” Renjun says. Jisung frowns. </p><p>“Come on hyung. Let’s go hmm?” he says, and helps Renjun into the backseat.</p><p>“I can get in by myself just fine,” Renjun says. </p><p>“I know you can,” Jisung replies.  </p><p>Jisung holds Renjun’s hand for the entire car ride to his apartment. It isn't the same as Donghyuck, but Renjun appreciates the effort anyways. </p><p>His apartment is exactly how he remembers it. There isn’t a single sign of Donghyuck’s existence. Renjun's heart crumples. He can't believe it. He'd really thought... He doesn't know how he got so mixed up. </p><p>"We're staying with you," Jisung says. "You have a concussion and now you're clearly hurting." </p><p>Jeno nods. </p><p>"You don't need to," Renjun says. </p><p>"Too late," Jeno says. "Chenle and Jaemin are already on the way and they're bringing food. You're stuck with us. No negotiating. Jisung is the muscle, don’t think that he won’t hurt you if he needs to." </p><p>Jisung attempts to flex his arms ominously. Renjun snorts. </p><p>“Okay,” he says. “Thank you.”</p><p>Chenle and Jaemin practically burst through the door. </p><p>“Oh my god,” Jaemin says, his face crumpling. “Are you alright Renjun?” </p><p>“I’m okay,” Renjun says in a quiet voice. Chenle tugs him onto the sofa. </p><p>“Isn’t that Donghyuck’s hoodie?” Chenle asks. Renjun looks down at his outfit, and sure enough he’s wearing Donghyuck’s hoodie. The sight of it makes his heart sink.</p><p>“Yeah,” he says. “I didn’t even realize I was wearing it.”  </p><p>"So. You thought you were dating Donghyuck," Jaemin says. Jeno elbows him.</p><p>"He doesn't mean that," Jeno says quickly. </p><p>"I don't?" Jaemin asks, and then Jeno elbow him again, harder. "I mean I don't!" </p><p>"It's okay," Renjun says sadly. "You'd all find out eventually." </p><p>"What happened?" Chenle asks. </p><p>"I kissed him," Renjun says, and he can see all their eyes go wide. "In my defense, I thought he was my boyfriend." </p><p>"Donghyuck?" Jeno asks. </p><p>"What was he doing?" Chenle says. </p><p>"He was there when I woke up. And I didn't remember him, but he climbed into bed beside me when he saw I was awake. So I thought... I don't know, maybe we're friends. But..." He tapers off. </p><p>"But what?" Jeno asks. So Renjun tells them everything, right from the very beginning.</p><p>"He let you sleep with him?" Jaemin asks. Chenle feigns gagging. </p><p>"Not like that," Renjun says, face turning red from the combination of truth and the fact that he would sleep with Donghyuck in the way Jaemin is implying. "Just sleeping in the same bed." </p><p>"I can't believe hyung would do all that," Chenle says. "He isn't like that with us."</p><p>"Well he is cuddly and gross in an obnoxious way," Jeno says. "But not everything else."</p><p>"Can I see his messages?" Chenle asks. </p><p>Renjun unlocks his phone and navigates to Donghyuck's messages. Jisung peers over Chenle's shoulder.</p><p>"Are you sure you don't know any other Lee Donghyucks?" Jisung asks as Chenle scrolls. </p><p>"I guess so. Unless I forgot both of them." Renjun says. </p><p>"The phone number is correct." Chenle says. "Wait. No wonder you thought you were dating him.”</p><p>"And look at this," Renjun says, and pulls up the photos of him and Donghyuck. "I just... Can you see why I misinterpreted the way I did?"</p><p>"Holy shit," Jaemin says. "He did all this shit to annoy you before, but if you didn't know that his intent was to be irritating..."</p><p>"It really does look like you're dating," Jeno finishes. "And if he wasn’t telling you otherwise, how would you be able to know?” </p><p>Renjun sighs. Chenle and Jisung share a look.  </p><p>"This is weird," Jeno says, drumming his fingers on the tabletop. "To be honest for a long time we wondered if you didn't like Donghyuck." </p><p>"Huh?"</p><p>"The two of you always bicker over everything. Neither of you back down easily. You're really similar, but neither of you want to acknowledge that." </p><p>"So then why did he do all that to take care of me?" Renjun asks. Jeno and Jaemin shoot each other weird looks. </p><p>"We don't know," Jeno says. “It doesn’t make any sense.”</p><p>"Do you remember anything happening between you before the accident?" Jaemin asks and promptly everyone throws something at him. </p><p>"Obviously he doesn't," Chenle says. Jaemin winces. </p><p>"I keep forgetting," Jaemin says.  </p><p>"So do I," Renjun says. </p><p>"Boo," Jisung says. "Bad joke." </p><p>"I don't care," Jaemin says. </p><p>"He says he cares a lot about you," Chenle says. Renjun feels a sudden rush of fondness for his friends' effort on  his behalf. </p><p>"You look a little pale,” Jeno says.</p><p>"My head is killing me." Renjun finally admits. Everyone snaps to action. </p><p>"Drink this," Chenle says, and thrusts his water bottle towards Renjun. "Jisung, where's the naturopathic herbs you bought?"</p><p>“I’m getting them!” Jisung replies. “Hold on hyung, the ahjumma told me it was great for you.”</p><p>Chenle guides Renjun into a sitting position in bed. Jeno turns the lights off in the bedroom and quietly closes the door.</p><p>Chenle is fluffing the pillow for Renjun when Jisung comes back and puts a mug of foul-smelling tea onto his bedside table. </p><p>“You need to drink this,” he tells Renjun.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“I don’t even know, but I know that it’s good for you,” Jisung replies. </p><p>Renjun reluctantly takes a few sips of the tea. Jisung looks placated. </p><p>"Do you want to be alone?" Chenle asks quietly.</p><p>"No," Renjun says. He winds up pressed between Chenle and Jisung, snuggled together under the covers. The detergent he uses doesn’t smell as good as the one Donghyuck uses, Renjun notes. </p><p>"Renjun?" Jisung whispers. Chenle is snoring softly on Renjun’s other side. </p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"You really like him don't you?"</p><p>"Yeah," Renjun says. "I do." </p><p>"Oh no," Jisung says.</p><p>"I know," Renjun says with a sigh. </p><p>Jisung cuddles closer, lifting an arm up to wrap around Renjun. </p><p>"You lied. You love us," Renjun says. </p><p>"Yeah," Jisung says, closing his eyes. "I really do."</p><p>//</p><p>Renjun feels hungover the next morning even though he didn’t have anything to drink. His chest aches alongside his head.</p><p>“You look rough,” Chenle says when Renjun gets out of bed. </p><p>“I feel rough,'' Renjun replies. “Where’s everyone else?” </p><p>“It’s just me on Renjun duty for now, but they’ll be back later. They had to run some errands and get some things for you.”</p><p>“You guys don’t need to do this…” Renjun says, biting his lip. </p><p>Chenle stares intently at him. </p><p>“Yes, yes we really do.”</p><p>Renjun doesn’t reply. He wants more than anything to ask if Chenle knows Donghyuck’s boyfriend but he isn’t sure if he’s allowed to ask. </p><p>//</p><p>Jaemin, Jeno, and Jisung arrive at Renjun’s apartment later that afternoon carrying full bags. Renjun watches them unload groceries, cozy looking pajamas, and flowers. </p><p>“What’s all this for?” Renjun asks. </p><p>“For the hurt one,” Jaemin answers with a smile and tosses the pajamas at Renjun. “That’s you, in case you didn’t get it.”</p><p>“Yes, yes, I’m the invalid,” Renjun says flatly. </p><p>He watches them move like a team -- Jeno and Jaemin get to work on some kind of soup while Jisung cleans and Chenle puts the groceries away. </p><p>Once dinner is ready, they all sit down at Renjun’s tiny dining table to eat. </p><p>“Do you guys know Donghyuck’s boyfriend?” Renjun asks. He’s wanted to know the answer all day. </p><p>Renjun doesn’t miss the look that they all share. </p><p>“Yeah,” Jaemin answers. “We do.”</p><p>“Who… What is he like?” Renjun dares to ask. </p><p>"Here's Mark," Jeno says, pulling out his phone and opening up Instagram. He shows Renjun a picture of Donghyuck with his arm around a smiling man that Renjun doesn't recognize. They look happy in a way that Renjun doesn’t recognize. Renjun’s head hurts.</p><p>"So that's the boyfriend huh?" Renjun asks. </p><p>"Yeah. He's studying in Vancouver. They've been long-distance for two years now."</p><p>"I see.”</p><p>“Stop torturing him,” Chenle says. “Renjun is way hotter than Donghyuck and could do a lot better.”</p><p>“Chenle!” Jisung says and elbows Chenle. “Ow! What was that for?”</p><p>“Sensitivity,” Jaemin answers. Chenle sighs and Renjun laughs.</p><p>“I appreciate it,” Renjun says to Chenle. </p><p>“See!” Chenle says, pointing to Renjun. Everyone starts squabbling and Renjun sits back in his chair, the image of Donghyuck and Mark etched in his mind.</p><p>So Donghyuck has a boyfriend that everybody knows except for Renjun. That makes Renjun feel a little funny.</p><p>//</p><p>Renjun wakes up the next day and wonders if this is all some kind of horrible dream. All of it -- the concussion, Donghyuck, Mark… No. Renjun could never think Donghyuck was horrible. </p>
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